I have a chronic ulcer underneath my ostomy bag that I use wound dressing for on a daily basis. Today I ran out of my dressing and was told I would need to buy them myself because they aren’t subsidised by the government like Ostomy bags are. I became very anxious because these dressings are extremely expensive and a 10 pack can cost up to $200 which would only last me a month or so. I made a post on Instagram about this and had someone I know reach out to say they could get some for me because they work in the health industry.

I’m am so lucky to be able to have this kind of support and access to free medical supplies but millions of people in this world aren’t so lucky. 20 million people world wide suffer from chronic wounds and many people in impoverished countries don’t have access to proper supplies which can lead to infection and even death.

I’ve done quite a lot of research about people in developing countries who have ostomy bags. Sometimes these people simply aren’t able to afford the extreme cost of these medical supplies which leads them to make their own makeshift bags out of plastic, tin cans or anything else they can find. They use things like tape or string to secure them to their stomach which as you can imagine causes many issues.

Another problem that faces many girls in developing countries is obstetric fistulas. Millions of girls in these countries suffer from fistulas because of childbirth, something which is nearly unknown to women in privileged countries because they have proper access to health care before and after delivery. I have a fistula because of a completely different reason, my Crohn’s disease but I know exactly what these women go through.

The fistulas they develop are completely preventable and treatable but more often than not they go untreated. These women become ostracised from their communities because of incontinence issues which regularly causes them to smell. Their husbands abandon them, they become unable to support themselves and even resort to sex work which can worsen their fistulas.

I can’t help but think how lucky I am. I’m able to receive the proper health care and supplies so I don’t need to deal with these issues. These women do not have this, they don’t have a voice and there isn’t many people that even know of their suffering.

In many of these countries women and girls are the first to be denied an education. If 50% of these populations aren’t educated that means half of the people aren’t utilised to help with these issues that cause poverty. Not only are woman more likely to live healthier happier lives if they’re educated, they also can benefit society as a whole. More people educated equals more health care professionals, teachers, scientist and so much more.

https://www.fistulafoundation.org is an organisation run to support women in these countries with fistulas. A little more than $500 can give a woman a life changing surgery. If you donated just $100 that’s 20% of the money needed to literally change someone’s life. People so often become desensitised to these kind of things because there’s so much suffering you turn a blind eye, and to be honest I probably would be too if I didn’t suffer from it myself. But I know how much something like this effects your life. It’s embarrassing, causes incontinence and can cause serious infections. If you want to help someone in need you can donate here
https://fundraise.fistulafoundation.org/give/78808/#!/donation/checkout

There’s also an organisation helping to educate girls which is something that is so important. If you’d like to donate you can do so here
https://camfed.org

Awareness is key and even just reading this post has made you aware of something I bet you didn’t even know about. Thank you for reading this far this issue means so much to me. We can change the world you just have to believe we can.

Recently I’ve been in the kitchen constantly creating (and eating) many delicious plant based meals. I decided to give the plant based diet a try to help with my autoimmune disease and I’ve ended up loving every minute of it. Not only are all my meals extremely nourishing and delicious they are cruelty free. I can’t believe the difference in my health after I started eating this way and I don’t think there’s anyway I could ever go back.

I’ve been really craving something creamy lately so I decided to try coming up with a carbonara dish because that was always one of my favourites. It’s so versatile and you can add whatever veggies you want! I really wanted mushrooms in there but I didn’t have any, I think they would have made a great addition but you could put in zucchini, green onion, sun dried tomatoes what ever you want. The addition of the smoked paprika gives it that amazing Smokey flavour that bacon usually would.

I know most cashew creams are made with raw cashews but roasted is all I had and it worked amazingly well. I think it gave it a slightly sweeter flavour which contrasted the tartness of the lemon.

I used brown rice pasta as I try to eat gluten free as much as possible. The brand I use is amazing and I can never even tell the difference!

Recipe:

Creamy cashew carbonara

1 cup of cashews (I used roasted because that’s what I had

Water

1/2 white onion

2 garlic cloves

1/4 tsp smoked paprika

1/2 stock cube

Pepper

2 Tbs nutritional yeast (optional)

1 Tbs lemon juice

Additional ingredients:

500g pasta of choice

1/2 Finely diced white onion

1/4 frozen peas

1/4 finely chopped kale or spinach

1 handful parsley (diced finely)

Method:

1. Put the cashews in a pot with enough water to cover and the 1/2 stock cube.

2. Boil the water for about 10 minuets or until the cashews have softened. Add extra water to cover as some will boil off.

3. Place the cashews and stock in a blender with the onion, garlic, lemon, smoked paprika, nutritional yeast (optional) salt and pepper. Blend until very smooth and add more of the ingredients to your taste if needed.

4. Cook the pasta to packet instructions.

5. In a seperate pot heat olive oil on low/medium heat and add the onions. Sauté until translucent then add the kale or spinach and cook until soft.

6. Add the peas, parsley and cashew sauce to the pot and cook on low heat until the pasta is ready. If it becomes too thick add a spoonful at a time of the pasta water until it’s the consistency of your liking.

7. Turn off the heat to your sauce when the pasta is done. Drain the pasta and add to your sauce.

8. Serve and garnish with more parsley. Enjoy!

Mental illness vs physical illness

Living with chronic illness has taught me many things over the years. One thing I’ve realised is that physical illness are taken much more seriously than mental illness. At times when I’ve been dealing with a flare or have been in hospital for my Crohn’s I have always been offered an overwhelming amount of love and support. People reaching out, friends setting up fundraisers, people offering to take me to appointments ect. I’ve always felt so supported and having that has made a world of difference in my ability to overcome the times that are really tough.

But what if it was something else I was dealing with? What if I had something like depression or bipolar, would I be getting the same kind of support? The answer to that question is sadly no. Mental health is not treated the same as physical health and I can’t seem to wrap my head around why.

My cousin deals with bipolar and it effects her daily. She deals with more than I could ever imagine and she is more open than most people but even she feels so embarrassed sometimes because of her mental health. This really breaks my heart because she should be offered the same kind of support I get when I’m sick. When I’m going through a flare I can’t leave bed, take a shower or even make food for myself, which are all things a person can find hard to do when they are severely depressed or dealing with other mental illnesses. So why then are people with mental illness not offered the same kind of support? Why are they told it’s all in their head, or why are they so often embarrassed or scared to open up about what they’re suffering with when more often than not it’s just as if not more debilitating than a physical illness.

Living with chronic illness is terrible, but at least I get breaks. I can be in a flare for weeks or even months, but I can also feel pretty good for a while too, that’s all part of the unpredictable life of having a chronic illness. But when you live with severe mental illness it’s something that effects your life every single day.

Having a chronic illness means you are very likely to end up with depression or anxiety at one time or another, it’s just inevitable. I have gone through times of deep depression when I’ve been really sick. There have been times when I didn’t want to go on anymore and was seriously thinking about ways to end my life. I’m so grateful that I’m in a better place now but It made me so empathetic to think of the people who have to live with that every day and don’t get help because there is so much stigma attached to mental illness.

Mental health support and treatment in this country is seriously lacking. There is also a culture in this country to “soldier on” and that men shouldn’t show their emotions because it’s a sign of weakness. This culture is one of the reasons my cousin Cameron committed suicide. He suffered from depression for years, he felt inadequate, constantly compared himself to his mates and it all got to him until he couldn’t take it any more. I can’t help but think if there was more support or if mental illness wasn’t so stigmatised maybe he would still be here. Maybe the thousands of people who kill themselves ever year would still be here.

I hope for a day that mental health is talked about like the common cold. When someone is asked “how are you” they can reply with “I’m really depressed and having suicidal thoughts” without it making the other person uncomfortable. I hope more people can speak up about their mental health and normalise it to break the stigma that has been attached to it for so long. So next time you see a friend or even a stranger and you think something is a little off with them, ask if they are OK. Simply talking to someone and letting them know you are there for them and genuinely care could save their life.

If you are depressed or having suicidal thoughts please reach out to someone or call LifeLine 131114

So here we are, a few months have passed since dad was charged. So much has happened since then and we have been so incredibly busy. Two weeks ago we appeared on the abc 7:30 show. That interview was the best thing that could have happened and we’ve been given so much support since it aired. Micheal Vincent the journalist and his crew were incredible, they listened to our story with open minds and hearts and I could see that they really care about this cause.

The night the show aired we saw a comment on the ABC’s Facebook from Sally McPherson, a lawyer who reached out and offered to represent our family completely free. Some people can be quite sceptical as to why someone would offer their services for free because they may have ulterior motives. We didn’t think this about Sally for a single moment, she is passionate, caring and genuinely wants to help people, which in my opinion makes for the best lawyer. (We refer to her now as Erin Brockovich)

In the past few days our family has had to make the decisions as to what my father is going to plead in court. If he was to plead guilty it would probably be a lot easier. But we’ve decided against this because we feel like it won’t help the cause we believe so strongly in. He’s going to plead not guilty with reasons of medical necessity. It’s going to be hard and we will probably wish we didn’t take this road but if we can be an example and get laws changed then it will all be worth it. We can’t sit by and listen to stories of people and their children suffering. We are willing to take on this challenge in the hopes that we can help some other people along the way.

The support we have gotten from the Australian public is better than we ever expected. So many people are reaching out to support us which just shows how many people in this country want the laws to change!
There are the odd comments like “well the law is law and he broke it so he needs to face the consequences”.

But don’t you think there are laws out there that should be broken? Just think where we would be as a society if it wasn’t for those in history who fought against unjust laws. African Americans would still be sitting at the back of the bus and using segregated bathrooms, women wouldn’t have basic rights like voting and gay people would be held in institutions simply for loving someone of the same gender.

Where would we be if Martin Luther king never said, “one has the moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws”
Things would never change. We would continue to face consequences that go against basic human rights.

So let me just finish by asking what would YOU do? Would you break an unjust law to save your child’s life. I certainly know I would.

The law of attraction is a power force that has had a huge impact on my life lately. No matter your age, race gender we all live under the laws that govern the universe. If you’re anything like me you believe everything happens for a reason, notices signs and symbols everywhere and believe that we literally have completely control over our lives and nothing is unachievable if you put your mind to it.

Last year was a big one for me. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad either. I learnt so much, grew as a person and learnt incredible lessons about myself and what I want to do with my life.

I’ve started collecting photos for my dream board. At the beginning of each year you get a big piece of cardboard and cover it with photos, quotes,
And goals you want to achieve for that year. You put this board somewhere that you will constantly see it so that you are always focused on your goals and thinking positively. I have some pretty huge goals for this year like doing a TEDtalk on chronic diseases and how they can be prevented, I want to get my license, become the best writer I can be and fight everyday for the legalisation of medical cannabis. I can and will achieve every single one of these because I believe in myself. Positive thinking can make huge changes in your life if you believe it can.

There’s a website called 16personalities that uses psychology to tell you what kind of personality you are. It gives you your positive and negative traits, the kind of career you’re best suited to and other aspect of your life. It’s so interesting and you feel like you’re reading a book written about your life. I recommend it to anyone feeling a little lost and not sure what direction they want to go.

I’ve recently been making some powerful connections and people are coming into my life that I know have a purpose. It’s been driving me crazy but I see the numbers 1:11 11:33 2:22 all the damn time! It’s said that if you’re seeing these number patterns to pay attention and wait and see what amazing things can happen.

I know you’re probably thinking “what a bunch of dribble” but believe me this stuff really works. Last year I had some pretty low times. When I was going through and exceptionally tough time I said to my parents

“I’m not scared of dying, so I won’t have to be in pain anymore”.

It breaks my heart remembering this because no parent should ever have to hear that from their child. But I realise now these experiences were preparing me to become the person I am now. I feel so strongly about so many issues and I am willing to speak up about them. I want to be one of the people that makes changes in this world. There are so many injustices that happen and I don’t want to just sit by and let them happen. I really do think my
generation has a lot of responsibility in making changes for the better in this world.

So here’s to 2018 I can’t wait to see what it brings me. ✌🏻

So here I am back again at Westmead Hospital. It sure has been a crazy past few months, the stress of my father's  arrest has had a huge impact on my health which is why I think my Crohn’s flared up again. That and I no longer had any access to medical cannabis. It’s not all bad news though, the result of the arrest and my family going public has connected us with so many amazing people. We have a meeting coming up soon with our Blue Mountains state MP, Trish Doyle, to discuss our situation and how she can help. Getting politicians on our side is so important because they are the ones who ultimately have the power in the legalisation process. Trish has been very supportive and sympathetic towards our family and I’m very excited to have her support. 

I heard a story today from a friend of mine I met through the cannabis community. She has Crohn’s disease and uses cannabis to stay alive and healthy. As she dropped her daughter off at school she was pulled over by a police officer. He asked her if she had any alcohol in her system to which she replied no, he then asked if she had any drugs including cannabis in her system. She didn’t want to lie so she said this: 

"Yes I take cannabis for my Crohn’s disease as it’s the only thing keeping me alive." 
The policeman replied, “You're aware that if you test positive you will lose your license?” 

He went to his car and when he came back he told her to have a nice day and that was that. It’s stories like that which give me faith in this movement and what we are fighting for. It’s obvious there is a huge amount of people in support of this cause, so why are people like my family still being prosecuted? 

I decided to come back to hospital last week when I could no longer handle the symptoms of my flare. I can pin point the day I started getting sick again. The police raid was absolutely terrifying, I was so scared I started throwing up which is something that has never happened to me before. Stress has a huge impact on the human body and can actually cause disease. It’s not all bad though, as I have a new team of doctors who are incredible and I can’t believe how much they are helping me. My new gastroenterologist is caring and understanding and in support of my cannabis use which is fantastic. 

It wouldn’t be a stay at Westmead hospital without some hilarious stories. On my second day here I heard some wailing down the hall, and I kid you not I thought it was a Stephen Tyler impersonator, if they started singing Walk This Way I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. The wailing continued…and continued. Turns out it was a lady with dementia so I’m definitely going to hell for rocking out to her noise.

My dietician came to see me and said she was really happy with my improved appetite and how much I am eating but to maybe slow down because I had something called re-feeding syndrome. This happens when someone is malnourished and then suddenly starts eating again which causes your electrolytes to go out of whack. She didn’t seem to be too worried about it and neither was I until I went on Web MD….. I don’t recommend you do this when you have a chronic illness. The first sentence I see is “re-feeding syndrome can be potentially fatal causing cardiac arrest or even organ failure” Well SHIT. Great, I thought I’m going to die from eating too much food. This is just fantastic. I decided my tomb stone shall say “died doing what she loves and with a full stomach”. 

I was freaking out so bad I asked to speak to the on call Dr who came and eased my mind. He said that I was reading about the worst case scenario and if my doctors weren’t too worried that neither should I be. I still asked for an ECG to check I wasn’t going to have a heart attack but he just laughed and said it wasn’t necessary. Okay, so maybe I was over reacting just a little. SERIOUSLY, GUYS DON'T GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS, I bet Web MD is the bane of doctors' existence. 

My anxiety obviously settled down because an hour later I crossed the road and got a Subway sandwich cause YOLO, guys. I probably looked like a loony person and I was getting some weird looks as I crossed the road with my IV pole in the pursuit of happiness (aka Subway). As I was crossing the street a man gave me a look and said “you breaking free?” “Yeah, I’m not eating that damn hospital food!”. Crohn’s can knock me down but I’ll get back up again….very slowly because I have no muscle in my string bean legs at the moment. You get the point, I’m trying to be inspirational here.

Just another day in my crazy life 😜

My 13th birthday is one that stands out for me. It was spent in hospital during my 6 week stay not too many days after I had just had a haemorrhage and nearly died.

The day I haemorrhaged was one of the scariest of my life. I was feeling really off that day and when I stood up to go to the bathroom everything went black, I suddenly hit the floor and after that everything is a bit of a blur. I somehow managed to drag myself to the bathroom and press the emergency button whilst falling in and out of consciousness. In the mean time I’m laying there in a giant pool of my own blood because an ulcer had tunnelled its way through my intestine. I still remember the nurse walking in seeing me and saying “shit I NEED HELP!” 😂

Next thing I know the room is full of doctors and nurses working urgently on me. They decided to wait a few days to see if I’d need surgery which inevitably I did, but in the meantime it was absolutely no food.

So here I am, on my 13th birthday not allowed any food after nearly dying, no biggie. I headed to the freezer in the patient kitchen to get myself some ice. I opened up the freezer and there it was a Freddo ice cream cake labeled “Morgan”. At the children’s hospital they order an ice cream cake for every child’s birthday. Apparently no one let the ward know that I was nil by mouth, and to add insult to injury my dads work bought me a birthday hamper full of chocolate. I lied in bed crying over the chocolate and ice cream cake I wasn’t allowed to have, at least now I can look back at that experience and laugh. Next birthday I’m going to have my cake and I’m going to eat it too. I hope it’s bloody delicious.

It's about time we talked about something that has been taboo for way too long. Medical Cannabis. Whether you are for or against this subject just take the time to listen to my story.

In the beginning of 2015 my Crohn's disease took a turn for the worst. It was my senior year and should have been one of the best years of my life but ended up being one of the worst. Dealing with the stress of year 12 paired with a chronic illness was something I would never wish on anybody. I deteriorated fast and had to have surgery for a colostomy bag, being a young girl facing this situation was hard to say the least.
Next was the list of drugs that the doctors threw at me. You see, there isn't a cure for Crohn's only drugs that suppress your immune system and work as bandaids but never address the cause. One doctor I had, who in my eyes was completely incompetent didn't even know that a side effect of my drug was hair loss. He was just as surprised as me when he learned that my hair was nearly all gone. Safe to say I didn't go back to that doctor.

Prescription drugs weren't helping me and I wasn't getting much better. The pain of Crohn's disease is indescribable and something you'd only ever know if you've experienced it. I was constantly having to take Codeine or Endone to which I was building a tolerance and only barely masked the pain, which is what led me to cannabis. During my illness my mother has done an endless amount of research, which is something you have to do if you ever plan on helping yourself. She had read of countless stories of people helping themselves with cannabis and it's incredible healing qualities. I was able to get my hands on some and starting using it for pain, and let me tell you it worked better than any pharmaceutical I've ever tried. My nausea was gone, I could eat without pain and I could sleep through the night.
There's so much stigma behind the use of cannabis but until you've ever gone through that kind of pain or witnessed a love one suffer you have no right to judge the choices of others.

So how does it work? It's not just for pain this plant has so many uses it makes more sense to list what it doesn't help! Every person has an endocannabinoid system, just like a nervous system and digestive system. The endocannabinoid system is involved in many processes in your body, including appetite, pain sensation, mood and memory. Your endocannabinoid system naturally produces chemicals similar to those found in cannabis CBD and THC. These chemicals work to pass messages between the brain and different parts of the body through your neurons and receptors. This process creates an environment that disease can't live in. Not only does it help with symptoms it can literally cure disease.

In late 2016 and early 2017 I was able to get my hands on cannabis leaves that I juiced and drank everyday. There are studies being done that show ingestion of RAW cannabis is one of the best ways to get high dosages of the healing cannabinoids. Another great thing about this method is because the chemicals are in the raw form THCA and CBDA there are NO psychoactive effects, which makes it great for children. During these few months I felt better than I have in years. I was finally putting on weight, I was exercising and my Crohn's was going into remission, something I had never achieved with pharmaceutical drugs. I haven't had access for a almost a year and my health is starting to deteriorate again. I can't begin to describe what it feels like to have some hope and it being snatched away because this country can't get its self together and finally legalise this plant.

Right now I'm a part of a Facebook group with 15,000 members all using medical cannabis, and that's just one group, who knows how many Australians out there are using it. These people are all unwell, or know a love one who is ill and they are angry!!! There has been promise after promise from the government to legalise but they keep dragging their feet. The system is corrupt and full of people with hidden agendas. Some politicians have shares in pharmaceutical companies so Its little wonder why some are dragging their feet so much when it's their own pocket that will suffer from the legalisation of medical cannabis. I recently wrote to my local MP, Susan Templeman about this subject and she gave me her full support. She herself feels it should be legalised and sent me this in her response.

Through this two year journey I have met the most incredible people. The medical cannabis community is full of people who have suffered from illness, know a loved one that has or are simply good people who want to help others. We need to lift the stigma that has surrounded this plant for the past 100 years. In the past it was used freely and helped many people. Not only can it help people's health it could provide new industries and employment. All you have to do is look at countries that have legalised it and just see what it has done for their economy and crime rates. Hemp and cannabis have endless uses, clothing, food, technology they're even working on developing hemp bio fuel!

This is something I'm passionate about because it has changed my life in so many ways. My experience with cannabis has inspired me to help others as a future career.

I'm tired of living in fear along with millions of others.
Coltyn turner, a young American man living with Crohn's disease once said "I would rather be illegally healed than legally dead". It's time for a change and that time is now.

There is a very obvious difference in these two photos, there's no denying it. What may come as a surprise to you is that I felt pretty damn terrible the day the second photo was taken. That's the thing about chronic illness, sometimes it can be very visible but other times, people have no idea what you are really going through. People living with chronic illness become very good at hiding things. Hiding their pain (both physical and mental), their fatigue, their embarrassment, the list goes on. We don't want to appear weak, but at the same time we want people to understand that we can’t always be strong.

In the first photo I felt like I was dying and to be fair, I came very close to it. It was taken January 2016 a few days before I ended up in hospital with sepsis infection spreading through my body. I couldn't walk, I could barely breathe, I had accepted death and I thought well ‘this is it’. The doctors said if I had come a few days later I may not have made it. I am certain in saying that this was the worst time of my life. The second photo was taken a few months later. I was doing so much better, but was still suffering from extreme fatigue and didn't feel very well that day. It was the first time I'd been out in a while and I was going to the races with my friends. I woke up feeling nauseous, which was so disappointing because I had been looking forward to going out all week. I pushed through like I usually do but I ended up leaving early as I thought I was going to pass out. Anyone who saw me probably thought I was okay, and I kept saying I was fine, even though I wasn't.

This is just one of the many struggles of living with a chronic illness. I used to hate talking about it but at the same time felt like I had to validate to people that I really was sick. It's so hard sometimes when you look okay on the outside but you're struggling to keep it together on the inside. I'm working hard to let my family and friends know how I'm going. I have a bad habit of pushing people away because I don't want them to deal with my problems, but I realise now that's only making life harder for myself. If people understand what I'm going through then I don't have to hide how I'm really feeling, because they might be able to understand it better. All I can do is take life one day at a time. I'm really happy and grateful right now for the life that I have. I feel blessed to be surrounded by supportive people that care so much about me it's what's kept me going these past two years. I hope this gives a little bit of insight and reminds you to not judge because everyone is fighting a battle whether you can see it or not.

Many people might know it but many people might not know that I live with a chronic illness called Crohn’s disease. It’s something I’ve never been entirely open about because let’s face it it’s not a pretty disease. People don’t like talking about shit to begin with but add a disease that involves it and you haven’t exactly got the perfect dinner conversation starter. But it’s about time people started talking. Every year more and more people are diagnosed with ibd of some sort and they are a lot worse than people realise. It isn’t just stomach cramps and many trips to the toilet. It’s debilitating pain and fatigue. Regular hospital trips, operations to remove parts of your intestines, shitting blood, loosing weight, feeling sick whenever you eat, depression, and then there’s the drugs they give you to control the disease. The side affects of these drugs can be the worst part. They can cause hair loss (I know this first hand I lost 90% of my hair in year 12 to say it was traumatic is an understatement). They can also cause bone pain, liver failure, cancers, osteoporosis the list goes on but hey you might not have your disease anymore? Lucky for me I don’t respond to these drugs! So I’ve taken my health into my own hands the past couple of years because the thought of getting cancer from my medication scares the living hell out of me. And I’m surviving. I’m fighting and I’ve got a lot of battle scars to show for it physical and mental. Ive had an ostomy bag for 2 years now. If you don’t know what it is give it a google you might learn something new today, but to cut to the chase I haven’t gone to the toilet normally in 2 years because I shit into a bag connected to my abdomen (perfect dinner conversation right😂).

I’ve learnt a lot in my 20 years and I had to mature real quick because I’ve been in and out of hospital since I was 8. I’ve decided to start writing a blog, I’m not a writer and don’t claim to be but I’ve got a story to tell and wisdom to pass on. If I can help one person going through what I’m going through then it’s all worth it. So if you want some more insight to my crazy life then hold on to your hats because it’s gonna be a hell of a ride. My favourite cousin Eden recently told me that my nans favourite quote was “tough times don’t last but tough people do” this is something I try and remind myself everyday. This life is a wonderful, crazy, hell of a ride and I wouldn’t change a thing that has happened because it’s made me the person I am today.